Note From The Author: There were a few things that inspired me to write this piece. In my personal experiences, I have found that many queer women* don’t realize that there are ways they can have safe sex as well. A lot of sex ed references the idea of being “safe” only when it comes to heterosexual sex, or even just sex where a penis is present. In addition to the gap in education, many queer women’s* identities are either erased (“gal pals”) or hypersexualized (porn) in our society, and therefore their relationships and the sexual activity between two or more people with a vulva, is not being properly addressed. I wanted that to change!
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When it comes to safe sex, people with vulvas and those who engage in sexual activity with another person with a vulva are often overlooked. Even without a penis present or a risk of pregnancy, two people can still transmit bacteria and STIs. Although vulva-vulva sex is seen as generally low-risk, it doesn’t mean it isn’t risk-free. Because let’s face it, is any sexual activity really risk-free?
Two individuals with a vulva can have sex in a multitude of ways, and no matter how it’s done, it can be done safely and minimize the risk of an STI or any other infections.
Fingernails
Clean your fingernails, keep them trimmed, and always be washing your hands – ESPECIALLY before sex! Think about everything you touch, do, and encounter in a day. NOBODY wants all of that on or inside of them!
Condoms
Condoms!? For vulvas?? That’s right! Not just for penises, condoms still create a barrier between two things and can still be used by two people with vulvas to have safer sex. If toys are being used, you can totally put a condom on them! Dildos, vibrators, and strap-ons can all be covered with a condom – and not to mention it helps with the clean-up – just take it off and throw it out when done.
Dental Dams
Similar to condoms, dental dams are intended to create a barrier between skin-to-skin contact, whether it be a tongue, fingers, etc. A flat piece of latex is placed over the vulva (the whole entire area – not just the vaginal opening) and a partner can hold it in place or it can be held in place with underwear, a harness, etc. Believe it or not, you actually can get STIs from (any kind of) oral sex, so it’s better to play it safe.
Dental dams can be expensive and/or hard to come by so try making one out of a condom!
Simply cut off the tip and cut up the side, so that it opens up into a rectangular shape. This can then be placed over the vulva.
The Big Test
It’s important to be getting tested regularly for STIs and to have that conversation with potential partners before any sexual activity actually occurs. Be sure to check out your local clinic or a family doctor for confidential and often free testing.
Regardless of gender identity and/or sexual orientation, there are several ways to keep yourself and others safe!
Emily is a femme lesbian feminist who goes by she/her pronouns. She works as a purchaser & educator for Stag Shop by day, a sex writer/blogger by night and is a support worker for kids with disabilities just for fun! When she can actually find downtime, she can be found snuggling her chihuahua-terrier Miska, and binge-watching something on Netflix.”